I haven’t updated this blog for quite some time. I haven’t had much to say because I am
pregnant and I decided to accept my fate of chronic unemployment for a while
and try to settle in and enjoy motherhood while I’m pregnant. This decision was
more easily justified because I had a miscarriage in September, which reminded
me to take care of myself and to enjoy my six year old daughter.
We decided to have one more child because we started to see
what a mad world we live in. Once you
put your children out there (into school or onto the playground) you begin to
see how little people seem to care about how they treat each other or how their
children treat each other. I was fairly
certain that as strong and smart as my daughter is, she needs a ally. I want her to have a friend, in this case a
sister who will be by her side or at least always be her sister their entire
lives. Hopefully in a week or so I can give that gift to my daughter.
I am not unaware of the financial burden that I have put on
my family by not working. It weighs heavily
on me every day as I know it weighs on my husband. Every week I think about how
we can give our new baby and our daughter what they need. I also think about how much I want to have
big fat college funds for them and I want to be able to provide them with
experiences all over the world. I have
to put faith (I don't believe in faith) into the idea that
when they are older and in school I can make up for lost time and work my ass
off to replenish the families savings and help give them what they need when they
need it. For now I think what they need
most is my time. Although, I think my
girls also need a stronger female role model I think my temper can only give
them the stay at home version of me, for now.
I have recently become aware that I have a faithful follower
(my husband). I think he is an obsessed fan.
I had no idea he was still checking my blog for updates. So, as long as I have at least one reader I
suspect it is worth my time to keep writing, even if it’s just for him.
The thought that keeps running through my head as I am
getting closer and closer to delivering my baby are all the stories people tell
about pregnant women. Late in their
pregnancies a large number of pregnant women seem to have supper human
abilities. I’m sure you have heard
something like this: (fill in the blanks)
I knew/herd of/saw a
woman who was ____ months pregnant who _____ without a problem.
So for example, ‘I saw a woman who must have been 9moths
pregnant and she was running a 10k’
This brings me to ask many questions. First off, where are all these pregnant women
jumping on trampolines, ski diving, biking, riding horseback, climbing, etc.,
etc. The U.S. must be some kind of
pregnant playground where women are not susceptible to back pain, hemorrhoids,
preterm labor, and placental dislodging. This place must be a place where
pregnant women can still fit in their harnesses and suck in the baby belly for
a morning run uninhibited by a bouncing belly. They must have some secret to
forming cast iron wombs where the fetus is not susceptible to the mothers
shifting balance falls.
The myth or truth (I don’t know everything) I have heard
most commonly is the one where the pregnant woman is working in the field. Have you heard it? It goes something like
this, ‘women (change history or time, so either in other countries or used to)
work in the fields all day and when they were ready to deliver the baby they
would go by a tree, squat, have their baby put the baby on their back and
continue working’. That’s it? Easy….what
about the placenta? You might ask. The head never gets stuck? The placenta
always comes out? The woman never gets too tiered that she doesn’t want to go
pull weeds after she gives birth? I call bull shit.
The oldest documents that I have ever read
about child birth are the Aztec Codex and they have a very elaborate birthing
ritual. The parents plan feasts and the woman rests and at least a midwife is there
to assist, if I recall correctly the woman is build her own birthing hut. In many of the ethnographies I have read even
when a woman menstraits gender taboos restrict her to a separate living space
where she is meant to rest.
So that brings me to the questions; why do we tell these
stories? Why is so much pressure put on women to be super human even during the
most vulnerable times in their lives? Why isn’t it ok for her to be vulnerable
or in pain? What is the male equivalent right of passage? And if such an experience
existed for men would it be ok for them to hurt? To rest? To cry? Who is the culprit?
Who repeats these stories that puts so much pressure on women? And, are these
stories the reason women opt out of experiencing the pain? (so much pressure
not to feel what is felt).
My baby is due in exactly 6 days. These are the questions I will be thinking
about during the next week. I admittedly
am in horrible pain; back pain, pelvic pain, nausea, and leg cramps. I also
sleep maybe the equivalent of 2-3 nights a week. I am attempting to experience
the birth of my baby without the aid of medications…..or at least not strong
medications. I do give into Tylenol every
once and a while now but I want to experience this birth without the
complications that medicines can cause.
Fingers crossed, we’ll see how it goes, I'm ok with calling uncle.
On the career front I am still keeping my eye out. I often check job postings late at night when I can't sleep or I feel a financial crunch. I also look at masters and certificate programs hoping for an obvious and workable choice. I think the big belly puts me on a hiring freeze...for now.
