Researcher Robert Sapolsky has been doing research on baboons in Africa
for the last 30 years. He and other researchers have discovered many
responses to stress that have helped me understand my own behavior in
the last….30 years?
I’m not a big fan of complainers or people who don’t know how to suck it
up. I am a product of my family who when injured no matter how
severely are encouraged to stay calm and not to be a bother. When I was
a child my first response to pain was to purse my lips and suck it up
even after having my head sliced open with a kitchen knife I took
responsibility for comforting my panicking sister who was the knife
wielder. When my father had to pull a throne out of my foot with
pliers, I held it in.
This introverted behavior and strong desire not to be a burden runs in
the family. My father used to work in the North West building ropes
courses. They would climb up very high trees and cut branches to make
way for whatever event was going to be attached to the tree. He was
cutting branches with a chainsaw above his body when the chainsaw fell
he instinctively grabbed at the chainsaw with his hand. He had blood
dripping from his hand with meat and bone showing he got control of the
chainsaw and lowered himself down but not before cutting the few
branches left on his way down.
Along with ignoring pain I have ignored stress. There is a bacteria in
most people’s stomachs that can cause ulcers, but it will only cause
ulcers if the immune system is depressed by stress. My doctor found one
of those ulcers in my stomach when I was 18.
Over the past 5 years or so I have been so frustrated with myself
because I can’t remember things I can't focus on things even things that
have just happened. I feel like the stupidest person on earth. I have
been blaming my stupid brain on “mom brain”. When a woman is pregnant
the part of her brain that is most responsible for instinct gets all of
the energy and growth while the other ‘accessories’ parts get ignored.
My daughter is 5 years old and I still feel like my brain isn’t
functioning at capacity. Why? My self diagnosis, stress apparently
stress also has a dampening effect on immune function and brain
function. http://www.pbs.org/stress/
Yes, I have felt stressed. Trying to impress the un-impressible
professors and compete with students 10 years younger and 80% less
encumbered with responsibilities. Losing my house, student loans, can’t
afford daycare, don’t trust daycare, losing my job, have drive by
shootings in front of my house, finding swat teams guns drawn in my
yard, working with women in crisis, drug house on fire down the street,
drunk man trying to get in my house, stoned man running after me and my
baby, no heat, no money, no help, guilt, alone.
I give myself and everyone around me permission to feel stressed. We all have a right to be a little stupid and distracted.
